You may recall that in my last post I introduced the Hacker Universal Theory of Management (HUTM). This theory propsed that maybe management should just focus on the growth drivers. Over the last few days this post went viral on the Internet with hundreds of re-postings and even a translation into Hindi (Indian language). I have received over 100 emails from readers including 6 from marketing professors around the world. Almost universally, the marketing professors criticized the theory because there is no role for branding in HUTM. I am still thinking about this critical point and I am considering to add an Appendix to HUTM to fully explain the role of marketing, branding and advertising in growing your startup. (It will take a lot of thinking to explain how marketing relates to growth drivers but I'll ask my students for help. They all like marketing.)
The most interesting email came from Hooters, purveyors of fine foods. (Yes--there is a picture of a Hooter's girl but you have to read further.) The senior executive from Hooters pointed out that all great theories have to have a pronounceable acronym. He suggested that HUTM be pronounced "hoot 'em". He went on to say that if I could accept this pronunciation as the official pronunciation (and sign certain short legal agreements) Hooters would be prepared to sponsor a nationwide speaking tour for me to present the HUTM theory. I started seeing posters of me with a beautiful Hooters girl and on the poster it says "Grow your Business" "Learn about the Theory of Hoot 'em". I was also most appreciative of their generous financial offer.
After carefully considering the Hooters' offer I have decided that I must turn it down. While Hooters is large enough to be able to spend money on building restaurant traffic, I decided that the nationwide tour was inconsistent with the principles of HUTM ,for the following reasons:
- The tour might spawn an increase in restaurant startups, an incredibly poor choice for a startup given that there are no differential advantages
- The tour would explicitly be an endorsement of marketing which I have now decided does not warrant an appendix in HUTM
- As a Hooters' contractor I would be exposed to hundreds of frivolous sexual harassment lawsuits from beautiful Hooters' girls across the country, the defense of which would drain critical resources from further developing HUTM into a book (every theory really needs a book.. to sell at speaking engagements)
- Lastly, I would probably have to give up teaching at FIU, which frequently inspires me to do some serious thinking about issues like "growth"; the University or the State of Florida must have a regulation prohibiting professors from associating with establishments that serve liquor
Now, if you believe that any of the above material is true, I own a bridge between Sumatra and Java (Indonesia) that I am selling for the bargain price of US$ 3 million or best offer. For the record, I did not receive any offer from Hooters and all of this post I made up. But--it was fun to spoof "universal theories", acronyms, marketing professors, speaking tours, etc. etc.
By the way, there is no picture of a Hooters' girl. I have to manage my brand image on the Internet ... in case Harvard calls to publish HUTM as a book.